A Prodigal's Path

A Baptism Moment To Share

It’s no mystery that our most valued memories are the biggest days of our lives.  Those locked away particles of time that move us emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically.  We label them, mark them on our calendars, and store them away like the treasures they are: weddings, anniversaries holidays, graduations, vacations, new life introductions, and life end celebrations.  Few have been more moving and memorable than the birth and re-birth of my daughter Alexis.

On August 1^st Northridge Church met at the shoreline of Lake Ontario to celebrate life, grace, and renewal.  It was an indescribable moment to be able to baptize my daughter.

 
"I Believe." 

Words will never be able fill the depths of gratitude for the grace that captures our hearts.

 
A Heavenly Father Calls . . .

 
A Child of God Obeys

 
In Him “I’m Alive!”

 
Through Him We Love.

 

Two quick thoughts;

First, someone later asked me what I said to Alexis just before Mark & I baptized her.  It went something like this “Alexis, I love you and I’m very proud of you.  You’re one of the best gifts God has given me in my life.  I just want to let you know that you have the most magnificent Father in the universe . . . and as your Dad I am here to help you learn more about him and help you find your way home . . . and now we baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”

Second, while we sat on the shore line and listened to amazing and inspiring stories of God’s grace and pre-emptive hand in people’s lives this descriptive thought, I later penned, came to mind:

“There is nothing more moving than the emotion and expression of one's spirit set free and redeemed by a loving Father and life giving Christ. Our Father is awesome!”

 

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” ~ Paul,  Romans 12:1-2

 

A Second Helping of Grace. Please.

While working through a challenging situation today I typed these words to a friend:

"I almost hate to ask, but how much grace is enough . . . .?"

Deep down my heart knew the answer before the letters rolled off my fingertips and onto the screen. I hit the "send" button regardless and spent the day facing my dilemma.

In the midst of answering the questions for myself I also came to the conclusion that "Tolerance" is not "Grace." Being tolerant is not the same as being forgiving. Ouch! Somehow I had convinced myself that being compliant and tolerant while disguising my exasperation was somehow the same as being forgiving. It's not.

Forgiveness resides in the disposition of our hearts. Tolerance is a state of mind and a test of forbearance and how long we can refrain from giving into the pressure. It's an exercise in resisting our urge to react. Forgiveness steps beyond tolerance and cleanses both heart and mind. Tolerance hides and disguises. Forgiveness and Grace erase.

So how much grace is enough . . . when should I withdraw grace and forgiveness? Christ seems to answer the question with the common phrase "What goes around comes around."

 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ~ Jesus, Matthew 6:14-15

 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." ~ Jesus, Matthew 18:21-22 ~ followed by a great parable on forgiveness.

"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." ~ Jesus, Mark 11:25

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." ~ Jesus, Luke 6:37-38

I get it. If I want to more than merely tolerated by God, and my Saviour, then I need to be endlessly gracious and forgiving beyond measure . . . He and I both know I need my share of it.

 

Process: The Passionate Problem (part 3 of 3)

 

Passion.

4 "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. Deuteronomy 6:4-6

Process.

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:7-9

In light of Deuteronomy 6: 4-9 one of the keys to practical Godly parenting may be seeking harmony and balance between Passion and Process. Our love of the Lord, our Passion, ignites our hearts and souls while our actions and words direct the guidance we give our children. The scripture seeks to marry Passion and Process. It requires us to focus on the heart and let the essence of our Lord guide our Process. It ask us to paint our Passion, our love of the Lord, on our door post: or, as I think, to build the structure of our home around His promise and principles. It implores us to live out the scripture hand and hand with our children. It ask us to walk beside them, holding them tight to the path while sharing our Passion with them.

 

The Perils of Process Alone.

Pushing or favoring Process over, or even without, Passion incubates a legalism of sorts. It's external. It focuses on behaviors and outcomes rather than the heart and soil of the soul that those behaviors grow out of. Over reliance on Process is simply implementing measures of control in which we may just be trying to regulate semblance in our homes. It becomes the "The List." The rules. The "Dos" and "Don'ts". And without Passion eventually they resound empty and echo boredom. Process alone produces punishment to control behavior, not the love and desire required to pursue Godly ventures.  It relies on strict consequences and it creates a system that echoes in the adolescent mind "as long as I don't get caught I'm good to go."

 

In "Part 2" I mentioned my dad. A stoic man with a heart for ministry and a profound knowledge of the scriptures, but an inability to translate his passion into process. I don't really remember him saying "I love you", or comforting and confronting talks about life. There weren't any. And it's not because he didn't love me.  I believe it's because he thought "the process" would suffice.  That making me go through the motions would work.  That all that time spent "in the process" would mold me and make me desire Christ more than anything.  It didn't . . . but I learned a lot of "stuff" as I sat in Church and Bible Class three times a week and faithfully occupied my bunk at each summer's Christian camp.  I knew a lot of biblical teachings and stories.  Much like algebra, geometry, and the periodic table of elements;   I knew "stuff".  

The consequence of growing up with "passion-less process", amongst others, is that I had this distorted and perverted view of God.  That God was walking behind me, waiting for me to screw up and drop the hammer on me.  There was no love involved, no talk of grace, only the rules of the process.  And the more the idea took hold that our truly loving God was the "great punisher" than the more disturbing my idea of "getting away with it" became.  Because now all I had to do was not get caught and live another day to seek forgiveness.  And when the door was opened, when I was free to go, and when I had enough I ran the other way spending the next 20 years wandering the dark alleys of life.  The whole system was rotten because of it lacked of love and devotion.  Not family devotion, but devotion to raising children with Christ-like character, devotion in terms of carving out time to invest, devotion to discipleship at a level that demonstrated love, care, and commitment. 

The problem with Passion-less Process is that it lacks the love that guides the heart.  It forgoes the teaching of grace, love, encouragement, forgiveness. It often fails to teach salvation because we are adored and loved by a Father that is out of this world, but rather depends on the fear of punishment to help an unraveling heart adhere to the Lord. It often doesn't work.

In the end my parents did a great job. They did far better than the generation before them and my Mom often reminds me that I'm doing a better job than my Dad. The difference now is I hug my kids at least twice a day, I tell them I love them often, daily.  I try to talk to them about their lives.  I know I don't always get it right, but I practice and I commit.  I've asked for their forgiveness when I've been too harsh, when I've screwed up.  I don't always get it right, but I always attempt to make it right.  And they need to see that too.  They need to witness and experience grace at our level so they can appreciate grace at the grandest of levels and grow to appreciate all that is our salvation.  They've seen me mourn, grieve, cry, sing, rejoice, and celebrate.  We've talked about their day, their choices, and the consequences of good, and not so good, decisions.  We've sacrificed and we've stood on the brink sucking in the air of life trying to breathe in the essence that is Him.

Passion and Process take Practice.

We're all imperfect parents. We all have our short comings. We all try and falter. The cost of walking is that we stumble. Sometimes often. But I remember, and our Father reminds us through His Grace, that the past doesn't equal the future. Today is a new day, and I a new person and Dad with new opportunity. I remind myself that this year that my son is 10 years old and my daughter 12. That I get just 365 days to work at it and then they'll be 11 and 13. And we grow together as we grow older.

Let all that you do be done in love. ~ I Corinthians 16:14

 

 

Process: The Passionate Problem (part 2 of 3)

Let me begin by saying that I'm not a theologian, I'm not an exceptional parent, and that I , like you, spend much of my time figuring this thing we call "parenting" out as I go. Like many concerned parents I expend a great deal of time and worry over "getting it right." I pray earnestly for wisdom in guiding my children.

 

In the balance between Passion and Process I tend to believe that in general the issue is the under-playing of Passion and the over-playing of Process. My personal experience growing up left me with the idea that Christian parenting was all wrapped up in the famous "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" verse.

 

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. ~ Proverbs 13:24

 

That finite view and highly touted phrase would lead one to believe that Godly parenting comes down to answering the age old question "To Spank or Not To Spank?"

 

I love my parents dearly. I miss my departed Dad more than anything. As part of the "Greatest Generation" He entered the Navy before he finished High School and spent the next 20 years at sea battling through WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. All that time in the military translated into a lot of Process in our home and little Passion. Somehow I always "got it" and forgave it . . . but was never able to fill the void the lack of Passion left in my heart. Process taught me "How" to do things. But it lacked the "Why", or love, to do things in a Christ-like pursuit. Process became the feared, later mundane, "To Do" and "Not To Do", List of Rules.

Passion: The Quest For Fire.

As parents we need first seek to temper ourselves with Passion, with the love of Christ.  We need to understand grace and it's usefulness in raising or children.  We need to practice patience and apply Process with love.  We need to talk "with" our children, not talk "at" our children.  We need to "show" our children the path not just drop them off at the Sunday School door while they clutch their road maps, their Bibles, in their tiny hands.

   

We need to love them they way our Father has loved us and we need to guide their hearts, minds through His word and pray that His understanding will guide their feet long after we're gone.

 

I work daily on my Passion. Not so much acquiring Passion but allowing my Passion to flow through everything I do and to allow His purpose to translate itself through my actions and words. I focus on growing my understanding and commitment to His purpose. If you want discover Christ-like passion read my post about "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.

If you want to find out what your Passion is, or how it reflects on others, ask yourself these tough questions: What makes you jump out of bed with excitement long before the alarm goes off,? What makes you cheer, or jump off the couch with untamed enthusiasm? For what, or for whom, would you sacrifice a paid vacation day for? Where is your time and disposable income spent? What occupies your mind and easily captures your heart and imagination? What makes it all worth it?

I don't what to make it sound as if hobbies, and personal pursuits are off limits, but I do think sometimes we need to temper and tame how much of our energy they consume. I love music . . . it consumes every audible part of my day from the time I get up until the time I lay down. Like coffee, I can't seem to function without it and silence would be my personal abyss. My children are well aware of that passion and they too now pursue it. My goal now is to help them transfer that passion into something useful for Him. To help them realize the He, not I, gave them that ability and talent. My challenge is to temper that passion within the framework of His love for them.

Passion: The Burning Question.

The toughest question of all for parents in regard to passion may be this exercise. Ask your children to name the 5 things you, their parent, love the most and see what gets reflected back. I'll be doing this over the weekend. Their answers will help me gauge how well I'm doing at translating my Passion for Him in my Process of raising them. I'm hoping that 'God", "Christ", or "Church" make it into the top three of their answers.

Too Much Of A Good Thing?

We're all aware that too much of a "good thing" can be bad. Passion may be as well if it lacks practical Process. Too much unbridled Passion might be the root of errant "feel good" religion. This may be especially true in a "if it's no fun why do it?" culture. Passion, free of Process, may be Grace abused as we "spare the rod" that sets the boundaries and guides the hearts and hands of our children. To summarize Proverbs 13:24; it's not really love if we not guiding them down the path.

Let It Shine. Christ Speaks On Passion.

13 "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. 14 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." ~ Jesus (Matthew 5:13-16)

 

Process: The Passionate Problem (part 1 of 3)

Spending hundreds, and hundreds of hours at ice rinks during games, practices, clinics, and watching a variety of coaches and instructors has made me acutely aware of a few things relative to raising kids and coaching. First; the best parents and coaches truly, whole heartedly, believe in their purpose. They believe with great delight that they have great kids to work with and that "the big game" is worth all the effort. Second; the best coaches are able to bring together a child's, or athlete's, passion and talent in order to extract their best possible performance.

Raising God centered children isn't much different. Much like great coaching, parenting requires marrying Passion and Process in order to produce Performance. Let's look into what I've come to call "The Passion & Process" verses of Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

4 "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Passion.

Verse 5: may sound familiar as it's also the "Greatest Commandment" given by Christ in Matthew 22:36-37. It's the Passion portion of the equation. It's the heart. It's your heart and my heart. It's the focus of the coach and mentor. It's the core that radiates what we believe and why we are here. Our passion is, and should be, what we are most fanatical about and what, or whom, we love and pursue with all our substance.

Verse 6: the result of our Passionate Pursuit, if Godly centered, is that we will inherit a portion of His wisdom and Spirit. That passionate inheritance will translate into a life that demonstrates our devotion in everything we do (verses 7-9).

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~ Jesus (Matthew 6:21)

As part of my career I walk through a lot of homes on a weekly basis. It's often not hard to tell what a person is passionate about once I see a few rooms of their house. It's not all that uncommon to find the "Shrine Room". The room that houses and stores the heart of their passion. It may be a room devoted to their favorite sports team, hobby, or talent. It may not be a singular room at all, but may resound throughout their home as the trinkets of their passion are scattered on every bookshelf, table, and wall.

Process.

Verses 7-9 relate to Process. Process is how we translate and display our Passion. It's how we apply our hearts to the world we know. It's how we relate to everyone, and everything, around us. In raising children it's the rules we lay out, the discipline we apply, or don't. Process is the boundaries, method, and practical application of Passion.

Today I'll leave you with this thought. That Passion and Process must work together in order for either one to be effective. This is especially true in raising, or coaching, children. A coach may run an athlete through a series of tireless drills (Process) but without any passion those drills become redundant and meaningless. A lack of translated Passion into the Process can make the pursuit, whether it be a sport, a talent, or Christianity, lack luster, boring, unappealing.

Conversely, Passion without Process leads to an unbridled pursuit. It's an aimless journey, or venture that lacks practical application of Passion and all the heart holds dear. We can talk up the love of God and Christ all we want, but without practical application into our lives, and the lives of our children, all that passion is wasted energy. It's similar to professing our great love for your wife and then showing up empty handed on Valentine's Day. Something is strangely amiss with unproductive Passion.

But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. James 2:18

Passion + Process = Performance.

 

 

The “God Concept”

After church this last Sunday evening our 10 year old came home asking about baptism. Held tightly in his hands was our church's application request for being baptized during a Sunday evening service. I am elated that he's gotten to this point . . . and somewhat overwhelmed with the daunting task that follows. Maybe this moment has actually made real the quest that every Christian parent desires for their children . . . full acceptance and an embracing of salvation.

 

A friend once told me that children obtain their "God Concept" from their parents, and specifically their father. That thought too flashed through my mind as I juggled a head and heart full of emotions and anticipations. The culmination of stories, memory verses, Sunday school, biblical training and reflection have all converged in this fascinating moment . . . and my son's next steps.

 

One weight lifted . . . and another one shouldered with the thought of how real my responsibilities are in guiding him home.

 

And while it may be true that children obtain a great part of their "God Concept", how they perceive God to be and how he views them, through my interaction with them: I also believe I learn a great deal about God and how He views me in much the same fashion – through my reflections as I interact with my children.

 

Here's an example: While I want only the best for my son, Austin doesn't get everything he wants when he wants, no matter how great a gift it may be. There are a great deal of things I would like to, and plan to, afford him but all in due time. When he's ready. When it's appropriate. When he really needs it. When he's truly earned it. Maybe never. More often than not, Austin gets what he needs, when he needs it.

 

"which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"  Matthew 7:9-11

 

We spend a great deal of time exercising life skills with our kids. Guiding them through daily scenarios, setting boundaries, walking them through life with a Christ-like perspective on everything from the locker room, class room, music lessons, play time, etc. . . at least that's the goal. The challenge is to relay to them that Christianity is not just "doing Church" and that God's visiting hours reach far beyond 8:30am to 12:30pm on Sundays. Life is a daily admiration of Christ. It is a constant pursuit and progression.

 

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  Proverbs 22:6

 

I desire that my children are safe, well fed, nurtured, and cared for. Much like I believe my Heavenly Father watches over me. While I can't be there all the time I can attempt to instill in them a desire to pursue a path of right choices that will guide them in my absence. I also have to tame my disappointment when they fail

 

Consequences start becoming all too real. Not only the consequences for how I behave and how that reflects back to my children and how they see our Father, but the consequences for the choices they begin to make as they step farther from the safe confines of our home. There was a time when I could correct consequences, I could replace lost balloons and tears would disappear. I could fix broken toys and glue the day back together making the world perfect again for a few more happy moments. That age drifts away and some things become "unfixable". The focus becomes grace, forgiveness, and character. And while I can't control all the consequences I need to be patient and learned in the way I apply discipline and reminders. While I don't want my children to grow up with a feeling that God is pursuing them only to punish their every mis-deed, I don't want to impart that He is wholly tolerable either. That while Grace is free it doesn't impart unbridled freedom.

 

I desire that my kids are successful. I want them to discover their talents and form their lives around them to find fulfillment. Success is a societal struggle. The World's definition of success . . . well is "wordly" for the most part. I've had to adjust my own definition of success in light of Christ-like pursuit for both myself, and my children. I want them to be able to provide for themselves, have warm comfortable homes, be well educated and have thoughtful careers, but all with an emphasis on what God has given them to work with. I long that they, and I , should pursue life's outlets for our talents. If we know "how" we are made I believe we'll discover "why" we are made and from that we'll discover "what" we should do

 

"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"  Matthew 16:26

 

A Moment of Assurance

I'm anxiously waiting this moment.

My son Austin has trained rigorously daily the last month for hockey tryouts coming this week. In addition to his usual routine he's been power skating at an advanced level twice a week with USFAS Double Gold Medalist, Erika Stone.  She's put him through a regime that almost weekly sends newcomers and the unprepared to their hands and knees on the ice gasping for air and wishing they hadn't stopped for that drive-thru sandwich. He's spent multiple sessions on the ice with Jim Armstrong from the USA National Hockey Team 1982-1983.  He's punished the back wall of our garage launching hundreds of weighted pucks from a stick who's blade is now worn to about half it's original height.  I've personally never witnessed an athlete work so hard and give so much. There is something incredibly inspiring about watching someone's desire drive one's self to the edge of their abilities.  He's come off the ice drained but excited, empty yet full of enthusiasm, tired and still willing to leave more out on the ice.  He's never complained and has remained focused and intent on each drill, instruction, moment, and movement.

 

The 2 day tryouts for his first pick team begin Wednesday.  By late Thursday night we'll know if he made the cut. Everyone who has watched him play and skate over the past 5 years, coaches, trainers, fellow players and parents, believe his chances are exceptional of making it into the ranks of a team that plays to a championship level.  While somewhat believing and confident myself, I'm also very anxious and nervous.  Not so much about which team he makes, whether it be his first, second, or even third choice team, but more so for how he handles the pressure, the possible rejection, and anticipated eventual success.  It's a system and level of play where nothing is guaranteed.

 

I've thought a lot about how to handle the two distinct outcomes.  One celebratory, the other nurturing and reassuring.  More importantly I'm waiting to share these words with him about an hour before he laces up his skates to step out on the ice for the first try-out session: "Son . . . you've done all you can do, you've worked as hard as you can work, you've given all you had to give, regardless of the outcome . . . know this . . . I Love You."

 

Then I thought about this outcome.  The one where I crest the final hill.  The moment where I land just steps away from the gates of my resting.  Those last few steps when tired and ready to lay down at the end of a marvelous, but long walk, I hear this from my Eternal Father . . . "Son . . . you've done all you can do, you've worked as hard as you can work, you've given all you had to give, regardless of the outcome I've always been with you  . . . and know this . . . I've Always Loved You."

 

Words so incredibly precious to hear they are indeed worth exhausting ourselves for.

 

"The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few"

Jesus,  Luke 10:2