I have to admit that if there were a line formed of people who wrestle with fully living out Christianity that at times I would cut the line to be First. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not suggesting that I question my faith or belief . . . it's more that I wrestle with transferring that faith and belief into my daily life. Perhaps some of that is my own fault for always looking at things from different angles, trying to find meaning, and questioning nearly everything.
Working through one of these trying times recently I made a decision that I would sit out of Church on Sunday morning and make myself busy with work. Deliberately defiant I justified my choice with the fact I just needed a breather . . . I just need to take a step back for a day. So off to an appointment I went. A relaxing stop at Starbucks followed by a meandering pace to where ever it was I was off too. I began texting a close friend of mine who is Jewish . . . and being such it's a safe bet on Sunday morning that he's not in Church either.
Our life-speak chatter goes on for a few minutes when across my screen comes "Dude, how come you're not in Church?" . . . and the strings that bind my heart to The Truth start to unravel as I go numb. It's then that I start to realize I've not only headed off into the wrong direction that morning; worse yet, that I may have started to drag those I am to influence down that dangerous detour with me.
It's disheartening that at a time when I really need to draw closer to Christ that I'll sometimes choose to take a step backwards. At the times I may need Him most that I sometimes choose Him less. For those of you wondering where my blog has been for the last month . . . that "day away" turned into a few weeks. And while I can produce a host of buyable excuses it all comes down to this . . . I get in trouble when I start asking "Why?' Why God this? Why right now? Why would you do that to me? Why don't you, God, take care of this, or that? All that negative chit chat soon drains one's spirit dry of the joy found in the life-blood that set us free.
The question really needs to be "What?" . . . and asked with persistent patient prayer. "What" God would you have me do? "What" God would you have me learn? "What" God is your perfect purpose for my life today?
See the difference? "Why" always seems to lead us inward. "Why" can have a narrowing focus that starts to tie up and tangle our heart strings as we pursue some excuse or misdirected reason. "What" on the other hand opens us up to His vast possibilities. "What" takes off our blinders and spreads out the horizon before us as we patiently await God's purpose to crest the landscape of our life. "What" changes our focus from inward to outward. "What" is asking God to lead us and show us . . . where as "Why" seeks excuses and blame.
"What" seeks the promise of today and the future before us. "Why" can tether us to yesterday and drown us in the past.
When those around me, presumably lost and far from God, point out that I'm off the path then something is definitely amiss with my heart.
"What" I need to do next time I'm feeling spiritually bewildered is find His feet, kneel there, and pray earnestly while I patiently await His direction.
For those of you, who like me, get stuck on the "Whys" consider this truth:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to" (2 Corinthians 5:16-18 ESV)
Paul reminds us that the past does not equal the future. That promise is before us, not behind us. That we are precious, dear, and alive with new life.
And so begins the 2nd year of my blog . . . welcome back to a Prodigal's Path.
These are great. Harlan, at the risk of sounding like a mother, you should be sharing this with many more people by getting them published. A nice book of thoughts or devotionals. Have you been publishe? YOu are a great writer. How are Lori and the kids?
Posted by: Marlene A Hibbard | 10/29/2011 at 11:55 PM