It's that week again . . . the last one of the year in which I, like many of us, spend some time reflecting back on the year that was . . . the year that could have been.
For me, 2010 didn't start out so great and it was my own fault. Within a few short weeks of the New Year I found myself in our Pastor's office announcing that "I quit." "Quite what?" he asked. "Quit everything . . . everything church related . . . perhaps it would be easier if I just wandered off into anonymity . . . where I could hang out in the back row of another church and not be bothered" was my reply. And that is where and how my year started.
The circumstances of that conversation weren't nearly as important as the context and content. What was spilling out of my mouth were a lot of "Why me's?", "Why now's?" and "You've got to be kidding me, what's next?" We've all been there to some degree. We've all felt cornered by life and on the verge of giving up and giving in. After enduring my tale of woes I left the office with a hand drawn diagram scribbled on a piece of scrap paper and a big decision to make, 'What to do next?'
I wandered off into what was left of the night, calm but not completely resolved. I would later thumb tack that wrinkled and folded diagram to the wall over my desk. I stared at it for a few days and then I came across Psalm 46:10,
"Be still and know that I am God."
And I was . . . and He Is. In the days and weeks that followed here are a few thoughts I had the reshaped a great portion and direction of my life:
Desperation or Inspiration
It's often said that we are not defined by the things that happen to or around us, but rather by how we react to those situations, circumstances, and people that impose upon our lives. And it's true; those moments, or rather our reactions to those moments, can find us at one of two places spiritually; either living lives of "Desperation" or "Inspiration".
My reaction to things not going "my way" revealed my "desperation", my weakened resolve, and my weakened relationship with The Father.
Desperation leaves us feeling as if we're spending most of our time treading water and just trying to stay afloat. Whether those challenges are financial, emotional, at home with our family or at work; those hard moments and tough times can leave us a bit bewildered and feeling estranged from anything spiritual. It's often too easy to fall into the "Why me?", "Why now?", and "What now?" snare. And it doesn't take long at all for that small dark cloud of self-centeredness and doubt to spin into a dark monstrous storm in which suddenly everything in our life seems out of control.
Desperation is defined as "Recklessness arising from despair".
And Despair as the "Complete loss of hope."
What I immediately realized is that neither of those conditions is even remotely similar to the message of The Gospel and scripture. Neither has any part or value in our relationships with God. Despair is a deception that leads us into the shallow waters of doubt. A doubt that gives way to an under-current of self reliance and a deepening pool of self-centeredness that will drown the very life out of what should be a hope filled spirit.
Two Wrongs Don't Make It Right
While in that meeting I could come up with a half dozen, or so, 'good' excuses justifying my desperate reactions. None of them offered me hope, comfort, or the opportunity to resolve the issues and circumstances at hand. Our excuses amount to nothing more than our own justifications for acting poorly. It's as if we believe that being wronged pardons us to practice "an eye for an eye" rather than the forgiveness we've been called to. Those moments of desperation may be a momentary reflection of where our dependence is rooted at the moment: either in ourselves, some other person, or some other man-made entity that has let us down.
Romans 12:19-21 implores us to let God be the great equalizer and again that our resolve should to "be still" and our reactions charitable.
Acting out of desperation divides our spirits and separates us from the peace, joy, and comfort that trust and faith in The Father provides.
There Are Two Plans For Your Life.
It's scary but true. On the surface it sounds a bit crazy to characterize life as a dramatic, movie-like, cataclysmic battle between Good and Evil. But it is . . . isn't it? Fortunately or unfortunately, that it put us right in the middle of a battle for our hearts, minds, and souls. And while it's nice to blissfully skip down the road home to salvation we can never throw caution to the wind because, like God, Satan too has a plan for our life . . . all we have to do is give into desperation's darkness and step off the path to find it.
"Be still and know that I am God."
It sounds all too easy, but there are requirements. A solid core belief in God's providence shouldn't, and doesn't, provide us the privilege to lethargically sit back and wait for Him to take action. Contrarily it should be the driving force that motivates our very beings with the faith that if we do everything within our power and ability to pursue Him that he indeed will provide us with a purposeful existence.
That purposeful existence allows us to savor the great hope that proves to be our sole, and soul's Inspiration.
Thank you for sharing your story from the begining of 2010. I laughed when I read what you said to your Pastor, as I've also
thought, "I just want to run away, it's all too hard" BUT THEN thought, Where would I run to - THERE IS NO WHERE (or no one) ELSE to run to. I've IMMEDIATELY followed it with a prayer asking "PLEASE God hold onto my trouser braces and only let me go as far as they'll stretch without breaking, PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE, DON'T LET ME GO, YOU PROMISED THAT YOU'D NEVER LET ME GO! AND I'M TRUSTING IN THAT PROMISE", Joshua 1:5b, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. He has kept this promise to me for which I am eternally grateful.
Posted by: Barb Bliss | 12/31/2010 at 07:41 PM
Continuing.....from my comment. This year 2011 I am going to WORK on my relationship with God so I'm more reliant on him, more trusting of him, and a closer more intimate relationship with him. I am going to do this by a DAILY reading of his word, and quiet listening to him, and praying for guidance and strength to carry out my heart's desire to know him more deeply. Please pray that I can, with his grace achieve this goal.
Posted by: Barb Bliss | 12/31/2010 at 07:46 PM
more continuation....... Just to clarify things. I live in Australia and it is ALREADY 2011 NOW! TODAY! THE 1ST OF JANUARY ( and it's 11:47 am )not the date and time on your post. Well maybe it's that time where you live, not maybe, it IS that time where you live.
Enjoy farewelling the past year God has given each of us and welcome with open arms and hearts the New Year he's giving us to love and serve him.
Posted by: Barb Bliss | 12/31/2010 at 07:51 PM
Barb . . . I LOVE your candor and honesty. I hope you find my new blog post "The Year That Can Be" helpful and motivating. I think we all struggle to stay focused on God our Father and all that He holds for us . . . I also think tht it is that very struggle that we find our greatest faith - see James 1:2-4. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Be well. ~ Harlan
Posted by: Harlan | 12/31/2010 at 08:23 PM