In an unexplored recess of our attic is a box that holds my High School yearbooks and in my senior year edition the following is scrawled:
"If we learn by doing then what are we doing here?"
It's not a recent re-discovery. Like the page that holds it, it's been buried in the corner of my mind ever since Dave Aiello scribbled it into permanence. Dave's indelible inscription echoes sentiments of sarcasm, challenge to authority and norms, the trampling of repetition for the sake of tradition, and some odd sort of wisdom that begs the question: "Am I any closer to 'A' if I am engaged in 'B'?"
So, "If we learn by doing then what are we doing here?" still echoes through my senses as if to remind me to question my presence and productivity in any given situation. Is this place, this meeting, this activity, this very moment the most productive thing I can be doing right now? Am I getting closer to my goal, farther away, or just treading water?
I often feel that way at Church. "If I learn by doing then what am I doing here?" I become inspired by challenging messages, great gospel oriented ideals and ideas. I become motivated and excited. I'm going to set out and "do something". And much like the 6 years of 'magical' church bulletins that disappear from my possession within minutes of the dismissal prayer; my good intentions too become lost somewhere in the distance between my seat in Church and the car door. What happens to all the brilliance and ambition? Surely Christianity is more than an idea. More than a transcript of the rights and wrongs that I act out. More than a great message that becomes absorbed through my aural canals and seated into my squishy grey matter. Where is "The Doing?"
I have to believe that "The Doing" must be much greater than myself getting "better". Better at not getting angry. Better at shortening the list of bad words that slip out into the air. Better at being nice to "that neighbor". Somehow, somewhere, and some way I have this haunting feeling that all this "betterness" is supposed to be transposed and transmitted to the world at large. At times I feel like a bewildered delivery man . . . standing on a busy downtown corner holding a very important Express Delivery package but I can't find the address . . . I despair and I stare blankly at the neat, tidy, unaddressed parcel. I know the message inside is of utmost importance. Not just to me, but to the world.
And so go my thoughts . . . how do I get all this "learning" into motion and really start "doing". If the world is to be enlightened by Christ through me then why does it seem the brightness of my ambition is sucked into the dark asphalt of the parking lot just beyond the doors of worship?
I've discovered that Christianity is more than a book, more than a good idea, and more than a noun or adjective. Christianity is a verb. It's a "Do" . . . not a "have" or "am". Sure, I "have" Christ. He has me and "Yes, I am". But now . . . What to do?
I don't have an answer and feel a bit amiss . . . full, but hollow.
I pray and ponder . . .
"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing." ~ James 1:22-25
What to do . . . . ?
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